Delete over zijn depressie
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
A lot of you have been wondering why I’m taking so long to release music, and why releases are being delayed. It has come to the point where I feel that the time has come to finally open up about this.
Below you will read my explanation for my absence and inactivity lately, and my battle with depression.
I tried to make a video about this, but as it’s quite difficult to talk about and explain coherently, I prefer to share this in writing. I will however do a livestream on Twitch where we can go into this more in-depth and where you can ask me questions that you may have, so that we can really connect together. The Twitch stream will be on Monday at 7PM here:
https://www.twitch.tv/delete_dj.
The past 7 years here in The Netherlands have been very tough for me. Even though I have been blessed with great support and success, for which I’m very grateful, unfortunately I have really struggled behind the scenes. My struggle with depression, anxiety and other mental problems have gotten worse every year for the past few years.
The one thing that has kept me going is the love and support I get from you guys, and my colleagues/label(s)/agency, who also have been great.
I battled depression ever since dealing with a number of tragic events in my first year of moving from Australia to the Netherlands. After a major setback at my first show here, I was granted a second chance and I worked really hard to build my career from the ground up again. I managed to gain some great success and develop an amazing fanbase. Unfortunately though, everything else in my personal life was not good. The depression I had never really went away.
It did get better, especially a few years back I was finally feeling good (well, good enough haha), but it really turned dark again ever since my album at the end of 2018.
I never explained the reason for me delaying the album, but I had a burnout. I tried to make the album much bigger than it was (which in hindsight was stupid of me) and it was really apparent I had some serious underlying mental issues which made it incredibly hard to manage this project. Amongst the burnout, I had some very unfortunate things happen in my personal life which really had a huge impact on my happiness. Ever since, I didn't recover from the burnout and have struggled to finish music and find any sense of peace.
I have made a lot of music that you haven't heard but my headspace prevented me from finishing and playing most of it. Simply because I wasn't happy with anything I did, as I was just in such a dark place mentally.
I do want to point out though that I've had amazing support from all the labels I've been with (first Spoontech, then Theracords and now End of Line) and if it wasn't for their support through my rollercoaster of a career, I probably would have quit. I've been fortunate to have great support from my current Agency and label (Most Wanted / End of Line) who never added any pressure on me to deliver music, although I was putting a lot of pressure on myself.
Then 2020 came along and this was the breaking point for me. The corona-situation really messed me up, as I have been battling some bad phobias and the isolation really weakened me.
I want to leave it at that for now, but I do wish to talk to you guys more about what has happened and answer any questions you may have, so as I said, I will be doing a twitch stream on Monday at 7PM where we can connect together finally as I do owe you guys more engagement.
I want to thank you for your support over all these years and being patient with me.
I don't blame you for asking for more music, so I also want to reassure you that I don't blame any of my issues on anyone other than myself as I've been very fortunate to have such a supportive fan base, agency and label(s). But I felt with my delaying of my VIP EP and the amount of comments and messages I receive, I felt it was time to finally come out with my story so you hopefully can understand why it's been hard for me to bring you new music.
I'm unfortunately getting a lot more negativity which is hurting me a bit too, so I really just had to come out with this as I am deeply sorry for not bringing you new music as often as you (and I) would have liked. Depression is debilitating and makes the simplest things much more difficult. It really has taken away my ability to accomplish anything meaningful. Finishing music used to be second nature, but lately it's like climbing a huge mountain. Those who have suffered from it will know that even getting out of bed can be the biggest challenge. To then go and accomplish greater tasks is tough as hell.
l made the promise that 2021 will be a better year and I stick by that. I just started it way too optimistically and jumped the gun scheduling releases when I really shouldn't have, but the silver lining is that I finally made the move to get help. I've finally started medication, getting psychologic help etc.
The year didn't start off as well as I hoped but it can only get better from here so I promise you will get a better me soon who will finally bring out a lot of overdue music and more engagement.
Information about my VIP EP, V3P, Boring Generation w/ Element and my normal next solo release will come soon. I'll explain more about the track Sin and why I didn’t release it in the end on the Twitch stream Monday at 7PM. After these releases I have a lot of new music coming up! Making up for 2 years of barely any releases is my number 1 priority now, but my mental health really had to come first in the past.
Thank you for taking the time to hear my story, your patience and ongoing support. I love you all and I look forward to catching up with you on Twitch next Monday!
Geplaatst op 15 mrt 2021 23:41 
#kikkerinjebil
